Baby Poker

I do, on occasion, very unfortunately... have to poke babies. I know...I know it's awful BUT poking babies is nothing compared to little people who Know what's about to happen. Drawing blood from little kids never bothered me as much BEFORE I had one of my own. A co-worker and friend who had once worked in the post natal ward at a very large hospital, told me the best thing to do is look at their little arms like a completely De-attached limb. Whatever you do don't look at their little crying faces... because then it will be too hard. It took me a long time to figure out the fine balance of calming a child, getting the job done the 1st time (this is an important for everyone involved)and making it the very best experience it can be, so as not to traumatize said child for life. I have also learned that probably, the one most crucial factor to drawing a child's blood, is making sure mom and dad are okay. After all, these are the people who are going to remember. I have witnessed many a new mom who were more traumatized by the experience then the new baby. I do my best to be calm, professional and supportive with every parent and child. That said... I had a mom and her 5 yr old daughter in yesterday for blood work, to identify if the daughter had any allergies. She was so cute and bright as a whip (what does that mean anyway?) and she happily jumped up into her mom's lap, while they talked about what kind of ice cream they were going to have afterwards. I explained everything I was going to do BEFORE I did it and the mom did an excellent job of holding her little arm still. Just before I poked her i heard her mom whisper "now remember what we talked about and crying is OK but please don't scream honey, cause your screams tend to be pretty ear piercing." 30 seconds later... cute little girl becomes ear drum piercing, bomb explosion, glass shattering screamer and I have become completely, if not permanently deaf. I say half heartily but not at all jokingly "wow, you weren't kidding about that scream!" "no" she sighs "no i wasn't" and I instantly feel overwhelming, deep pity for this woman. Yes, her little girl may someday grow up to be a world famous opera singer, theatre performer or wind instrument player but my god those lungs DO NOT belong on a 5 yr old! Perhaps you could say it is the little things I am thankful for... like how my toddler can throw tantrums with the best of them... but cannot, for example, project her disapproval across an entire football field! And FYI... I did regain the majority of my hearing after about 5 min. Once the ringing stopped and the tears had been wiped away, mom and daughter got up to leave and it was then, I realized there was a twin brother hiding out around the corner. Banshee wailing, twin wielding, full time mom... Your One Of Us! And thank you for choosing our laboratory today :)

Hello Boobies!

Grouchy,abrasive, deaf, flatulent, comical, free spirited and opinionated. Elderly patients are my favorite for a number of reasons, and I just happen to be in luck, because most of my patients are over the age of 65. There is a wealth of wisdom to be learned from these kind strangers.



Sometimes I will meet a loving couple who have been married at least 4 or 5 decades longer than myself and I'll ask "what's the secret?" "Communication" said one. "Alone Time" said another. My favorite answer came from a small and frail but articulate elderly woman who looked deeply into her spouses eyes and said "friendship".



Then of course there are the "I'm too old to give a crap anymore" people. The ones who will charge right in like they own the place and (in their minds) they do. No waiting for me! I've already waited 60 years for this "Golden" age...I don't have forever you know.



Stories about their youth and the people they have come to know over the years. Where they were and what they were doing during important periods of history. Alot of times all they really want is an ear to listen and this has become an important part of my job too.



Of course, anyone who spends their day's around an older group knows very well how hilarious they can be. I am not talking about the ones who tell the same lackluster jokes over and over again (mostly because they have forgotten they ever told you that one in the first place) Damn dementia! But the ones who have tried it all, done it all and have left sane and rational behind them long ago. I'm talking about the behavior and the wisecrackings of the so called "Nudies".
Once, after a long and exhausting day, I called back a lovely old woman to have a seat in my Phlebotomy chair. While i was focused on collecting my supplies and thinking about my plans for after work (apparently off in my own little bubble) I turned to find my cheerful patient half naked with her shirt dangling like a necklace around her neck and her arm stretched out neatly for me to use. The first thing I noticed though (and have come to realize about the general female geriatric population) was the lack of underwear aka NO BRA. Her small, sagging, shriveled breasts were free to enjoy the open air. To dance in the breeze, to stake claim to their freedom. These breasts were old and tired and had moved on from any type of worldly restraints long ago. They had retired to a state of uninhibited bliss... and they were less than 8 inches from my face. I kept my composure of course ( I AM a proffessional after all) but of course the entire time I could think of nothing but those floppy ta ta's and the surprising amount of jealousy I felt towards them. At what age do you get to start making up your own rules about etiquette? Can just say that's enough!...no more to any of lifes little annoyances? Whatevers easier, nobody cares anyway! Is it before or after you become eligible for Medicare? I did not get the memo! I realize, now that i have a toddler of my own, that the way we look at life when we are 3 is really no different than the way we will look at the world at 80. And this makes getting old, maybe just a little bit easier to bear. Because someday (God willing) I too will get to go out in public sans underwear, splash food I'm eating down my shirt, throw tantrums when I don't get what I want (or have to wait for ANY amount of time without my coffee) and crap my pants at will in my cushioned grown up diaper :) So to those free swinging boobies I salute you! Because with age comes wisdom ...and apparently the ability to say I just don't give a crap :)

Definition Of A Phlebotomist

phle·bot·o·my 


–noun,plural-mies. Medicine/Medical.
the act or practice of opening a vein for letting blood as a therapeutic measure; venesection; bleeding.

phle·bot·o·mist

–nounSurgery.
1.
a specialist in phlebotomy.
2.
a nurse or other health worker trained in drawing venous blood for testing or donation.

When I grow up I want to be....

An actor, dancer, professional singer, stand up comic, model, zoo keeper and PHLEBOTOMIST? Ask any little girl or boy what they want to be when they grow up and the answers aren't usually that surprising. I've heard astronaut, ballerina, doctor, veterinarian, horse trainer, firefighter...you name it kids want to do it. What you don't expect is that they want to be all of these things at the same time. If we as adults find it difficult to multitask in the short amount of time given in the average day, I can't imagine how these little prodigies plan on working these extreme lifestyles out. Of course, when your 6 the realities of these comical imaginative's are pretty much nil. When your a child the whole world is your playground and anything that you can imagine is attainable, if not completely possible (even if your only desire to become a fireman is because you heard your friend jimmy's dad gets to play with hoses all day) As a Junior or Senior in High school for example, if asked the same question, i would be willing to bet the answer would be slightly less excitable. Most 12th graders have already set plans in motion for the College they plan to attend or the job they want to do after school is over... but the real question still remains "What do I want to do with my life?" I happen to know real grown ups who still don't have an answer to that question. Some people never know quite what they want to be when they grow up because what works (and pays the bills) at the moment, may not continue to play out in the future... and this my friend is a very scary thought indeed. It is the fear of the unknown and although to some this may seem rather exhilarating, for people like me, the thought has always scared the pants right off! Holy cow...look at em go! So when I was 20 and traveling the US after opting out of school for awhile (Never liked homework!!!) and a friend of mine asked me that very same question, my immediate response was of course "what do you mean? Aren't I doing something right now? What is this Career you speak of? I'll probably just get married and be a mom for the rest of my life." Seemed to work out just fine for my mom. And let's face it people what job could ever be more rewarding than raising and nurturing our very own angelic offspring? Now skip 3 or 4 years down the road and after my umpteenth job in retail and complete lack of weekend social life I realized I wanted more. I wanted a desk with my own pictures on it. My own computer. A simple 9 to 5 with NO weekends. Maybe even know my schedule more than a week in advance. There was an end in sight IF I was willing to motivate myself and actually put more effort into education than I was willing to in High School. Heck...I could do better than a B average, especially if I actually Attended on a regular basis. lol. So I went to school and became a Medical Assistant. (still medical field but without the weekends:) Sadly however, even before the recession began, It was difficult to find work. I applied all over the Peninsula. I thought I presented myself well and did awesome in interviews, but they always opted for someone with more experience and that someone was never me. Then by the grace of god I got hired by a Large company specializing in Phlebotomy and I've never looked back. I do plan on one day continuing my education and specializing in some other part of the medical field, but for now I still love what I do, love the patients I serve, love the people I work with and who could really ask for more than that? And that wife and mother goal I had set for myself....yeah, I got that too :)