Hello Boobies!

Grouchy,abrasive, deaf, flatulent, comical, free spirited and opinionated. Elderly patients are my favorite for a number of reasons, and I just happen to be in luck, because most of my patients are over the age of 65. There is a wealth of wisdom to be learned from these kind strangers.



Sometimes I will meet a loving couple who have been married at least 4 or 5 decades longer than myself and I'll ask "what's the secret?" "Communication" said one. "Alone Time" said another. My favorite answer came from a small and frail but articulate elderly woman who looked deeply into her spouses eyes and said "friendship".



Then of course there are the "I'm too old to give a crap anymore" people. The ones who will charge right in like they own the place and (in their minds) they do. No waiting for me! I've already waited 60 years for this "Golden" age...I don't have forever you know.



Stories about their youth and the people they have come to know over the years. Where they were and what they were doing during important periods of history. Alot of times all they really want is an ear to listen and this has become an important part of my job too.



Of course, anyone who spends their day's around an older group knows very well how hilarious they can be. I am not talking about the ones who tell the same lackluster jokes over and over again (mostly because they have forgotten they ever told you that one in the first place) Damn dementia! But the ones who have tried it all, done it all and have left sane and rational behind them long ago. I'm talking about the behavior and the wisecrackings of the so called "Nudies".
Once, after a long and exhausting day, I called back a lovely old woman to have a seat in my Phlebotomy chair. While i was focused on collecting my supplies and thinking about my plans for after work (apparently off in my own little bubble) I turned to find my cheerful patient half naked with her shirt dangling like a necklace around her neck and her arm stretched out neatly for me to use. The first thing I noticed though (and have come to realize about the general female geriatric population) was the lack of underwear aka NO BRA. Her small, sagging, shriveled breasts were free to enjoy the open air. To dance in the breeze, to stake claim to their freedom. These breasts were old and tired and had moved on from any type of worldly restraints long ago. They had retired to a state of uninhibited bliss... and they were less than 8 inches from my face. I kept my composure of course ( I AM a proffessional after all) but of course the entire time I could think of nothing but those floppy ta ta's and the surprising amount of jealousy I felt towards them. At what age do you get to start making up your own rules about etiquette? Can just say that's enough!...no more to any of lifes little annoyances? Whatevers easier, nobody cares anyway! Is it before or after you become eligible for Medicare? I did not get the memo! I realize, now that i have a toddler of my own, that the way we look at life when we are 3 is really no different than the way we will look at the world at 80. And this makes getting old, maybe just a little bit easier to bear. Because someday (God willing) I too will get to go out in public sans underwear, splash food I'm eating down my shirt, throw tantrums when I don't get what I want (or have to wait for ANY amount of time without my coffee) and crap my pants at will in my cushioned grown up diaper :) So to those free swinging boobies I salute you! Because with age comes wisdom ...and apparently the ability to say I just don't give a crap :)